From the start, it's always the most challenging for me to decide on where to begin (which is why it takes me so long to start anything for that matter). Do you start from now and work your way back or do you start from the start and work your way forward? I am going to be 50 this year, I am over two years past my divorce from a 20 year marriage that gifted the world with two of my three boys. My first boy came before my 1st marriage, still a huge blessing, but pretty much the only thing I kept my word on with that relationship at the end was that I would not come between her, her new husband, and my first son. That was a tough call too since I had just returned from a 7 month program, one that let me grow in ways I very well needed and that probably gave me the skills I needed to keep my last two boys alive to this day. When I got back from that program, I actually met my second boy, who was mine and my wife’s first of two. This is kind of a brief review, as the details in between everything above me have a lot of other details that I am hoping to get into and layout so I can make some sense of this all, at some point. Life isn’t easy,,, its not easy at all, and no gets a free ride,, not for long anyways. The coolest thing right now is,, I am over two years deeply involved with real love in my life, and I didn’t find this relationship, it was all God (this story is crazy and I will love sharing it when I get to it) . We were actually in 4th grade together but had not seen each other since 6th grade until the last two years. The things we remember in life are amazing, but some of the things we forget, it’s even more amazing when it comes back to you, if we are lucky enough for that to happen.
You see, I am 49 now, in November I will be 50,, and it turns out that the US turned out to be in serious shit when I was born and now it’s basically gone to complete shit.
If you have ever read anything like the Bible and about Sodom and Gamora in that context,, well,, that’s about what our leadership has become, and they have a pretty decent sized fan base. Most of them were all blackmailed and forced into the life’s they lead. But a lot of them are just sick, plain and simple. The US has allowed the normalization of sexually grooming kids. Our own public libraries invite grown ass adult men dressed like strippers to go and read during story hours to the children. Even sicker are the parents that participate in the whole activity. I take this very seriously because it took me 46 years to come to grips with what my next door neighbor did to me in the shower when I was 4. Marcus was 2 years older and we were best friends, and I had always remembered him as my best friend because, what he did to me wasn’t violent (how he learned that behavior , i can’t vouge for whether or not it was violent). I was 4 and I didn’t know what was going on. I had no words to talk with my parents about this. But listen ,, our culture wasn’t into encouraging the family at that point. It was 78 and the plans were already under way to take apart the American family. I know I displayed a lot of strange behavior (My poor mother), that now, looking back, my mom could have noticed as being a sign that maybe she needed to get me into to talk with someone who could help me talk about some of those things.
Early on I was able to get relief from the guilt I felt because of that,, guilt I should not have had, but that’s what you were supposed to feel if something like that had happened to you and the world kept saying it really wasn’t like that. I first dealt with it in 6th grade when I finally understood that the only person that had walked on this planet that would really care about what it is I have done or was done to me was Jesus, and he was like, I love you son, you are good and you can live without that past in your future. I mean, Wow, that was a huge feeling inside to be able to let go of all that confusion in 6th grade. Everything that would tell me I am not who I am stopped telling me that and I was excited to be who I was and to live life again not being guilty of being involved with that experience. Even letting go of the experiences that were created from that one at 4, from the start,, and mostly ugly stuff, but it’s how I got here, so I can’t hide from it.
Unfortunately though, 7th grade threw me a curve ball. You see, the books they gave us were not the biggest and I loved science. I used to just read the whole book because I could not stop wanting to know more about what it was teaching us. I guess no one else in the room wanted to know more at that pace and I ended up having more to talk about while the teacher would pain steakingly go through each chapter week by week. It was the same plan and method they had been using for 50 years. One day I was called down to the principal’s office. I went in, no one was in the office,, the secretary led me through a wall door, and there was all my teachers and my parents sitting at the table in this small conference room that was between the two offices, hidden away. And what did they decide,, they decided to send me to the doctors because something was wrong with me. Low and behold, in 7th grade I started my decade long battle with amphetamines. At least while I was wired out of my mind I didn’t talk as to interrupt all that learning at a snail’s pace.
I do not believe children should ever be given narcotics. I mean, IMO, the whole ADHD and ADD stuff is basically a ploy and I am extremely empathetic to the parents, especially the ones that are my close friends who I have had to watch as they “treated” their kids with amphetamines (i watched too many just like me not make it out of that cycle). It’s just gotten worse, and frankly at this point, it’s absurd what parents are allowing the industry to do to their children.
The system must have known I would not put my kids on drugs. In Elementary with my boys, they tried with my second son. They put him through all their tests that would have resulted in putting my kid on a prescription or sending him to a doctor that would, and the school was so determined. In the end, none of those tests gave them the result they wanted so they just labeled him with a “mental disturbance”. It didn’t matter anyways, there were already other plans in place to subdue the likes of who my boys could be in this world.
That son is currently married, living with his new wife and her mother and working on finding a place for the two of them. I couldn’t be more proud of him,, I truly do believe it has gotten harder and harder for each new generation to figure this crap out and find a way to live and enjoy life.
Today, after spending most of my life figuring out that the best life is the life that you live and do what you are passionate about, I am having to learn how I can survive on what new things in my life I have now that I am passionate about. It sounds like a big word puzzle, but it’s actually difficult for the likes of me. I am passionate about the love I have in my life now,, but this is not going to pay the bills,, while I am still passionate about helping my customers, I am not sure how to find the new direction the business needs to go in.
All in all, This is the starting of something new, but this time, it’s starting from the beginning instead of some other point in between. If there was going to be a foundation to start on that would be better than any other, i feel like one that was complete would be the best choice. I look forward to writing about new experiences and some of my old ones from the past here on #nostr
Whether or not you read the whole semi-bio article I wrote, I send you and your loved ones blessings, and if you did read this, I am always open to discussions or sharing my experiences with others, I especially enjoy hearing about others journeys.
#nostriches #plebfession #truth