When I was young I learned how quickly a habit could turn into a full-blown addiction.
As someone who wants to be successful, being an addict was a hard pill to swallow. I knew there weren’t more polar opposites than being hopelessly out of control and successful. Uncomfortable with the addict in me, I avoided it as long as possible and focused on what I could control like being disciplined in athletics and academics.
Learning to tell the truth about my problem was a slow journey. There were moments where I shared the truth for its own sake and others where I did so in order to manage people’s perceptions and appear as if I was on an upward path.
My drive to be impressive and desirable kept me from admitting the truth: sometimes I am the exact opposite. This way of understanding myself as either a success or a failure has been unhelpful. I suspect that the wilderness, which holds opposites together, might be able to teach me a better way.
When you hike through the woods you find that every ridge you walk on is the product of the valleys on either side. If you find yourself winding your way along a creek it is because the ridges on your left and right have created a low channel for the water to run. In the same way, I am shaped by both success and failure; together they make me who I am rather than pull me apart.
Which apparent opposites feel like they’re pulling you apart but might actually be creating you?
Here’s a proof of work page from my notebook. I draft these reflections by hand first to stay honest in the digital age. postimg.cc/CBP5wFTC